Life = cartoooooonnnn

Runaway

5:43 PM | Thursday, September 11, 2008

TODAY, IS LIKE I AM ON A HEAVY CLOUD`;

Oral was , screwed.
I screwed Chinese like fcuk.
English felt good though , since I got myself a better teacher than my classmates. Heh.

So my expected grades are :
28/40 Chinese
32/40 English

Apparently, according to rumors, oral is only 5% of SA ._.
So in some ways it is good and bad at the same time. Whatever, I only concentrate on the major components.
I have 11 more days to EOYS , Sherilyn jiayou jiayou.
I feel like a geek now, I spent the whole night from seven - ten mugging and just today , I spent the whole afternoon mugging right after school till four. Strangely, I do not feel stressed or forced to this misery , in fact, I am getting addicted to it. 0.0

On a heavier note , I need to relay this message to... Well if you read my posts, you will know who you are.

My life sucks. Seriously it does. I have parents that expects me to only spend seventy bucks a month and to only text at five hundred maximum. It has been two years already and I just seat there listening to you nag and just agree to whatever you say.
However, have you ever thought how I felt? It is not as if we have no money or whatever not, you both are just so narrow-minded. It was never about money issue, comparing to other families out there, we are so much better off. Like how many families in this world owns three cars?
Have you ever thought what your only daugther feel among all her gossip girl material friends who gets at least ten bucks a day? How I feel convincing them to eat at fast food resturaunts instead of posh ones each time we go out? If you do not know, I feel like crap , I feed embarassed , depised upon and look down on.
And there are times I get calculative, but you cannot always blame me for that. Food in the canteen has been increasing , what can I do about it? There are times you talk to me about how you can spend two bucks on lunch and asking why can't I do it. Yes I can, but what about my friends? You expect me to lose face by forcing them to eat at hawker centres when they have habits of eating at posh places?
Not only that, I feel so out of place, like an extra person in their life. Perhaps this is why I can never get along with them like the way they do for each other. I do not expect you to raise my allowance or whatsoever, but please, before making such comments, think about how I feel and how I spend my days with my friends. Having you commenting and reprimanding me makes me feel worst than what I am already feeling, please stop contradicting me with all these and spare a little thought for me. I have friends and parents, but which one should I choose?

And this brings about another subject. I have been emotional in school and been throwing tantrums at you guys, therefore I am so sorry for what I have done to make you guys worry or annoyed because of my daily tantrums. Thanks for trying to cheer me up whenever I am down and putting up with me.
I need to highlight this though, have you wondered why I have been like that recently? I will give you my reasons :
Let me ask you these, why am I always the one left behind whenever we leave for outside class activities? Why am I always the one whom you ignore whenever I pick out a topic to gossip about? Why am I always the feeling left out ? Have you ever consider about the suggestions I have to contribute to the recent class item or to group works? Sometimes I just feel so invisible, like I do not exist when I am just standing right in front of you. In addition, it has always been me approaching you guys for discussions and talks, will you ever bother talking to me if I don't?

I do not know if I am overeacting or whatsoever, no offence you guys, I am not blaming you for this. I mean if I really do not mean much to you , then why bother hanging around anymore? I should just shoo myself you from people. If that is really how you feel, then there is nothing much I can do for now.